Monday, April 22, 2013

Nunya Bizness

What makes people thinks it's ok to ask someone when they're thinking about having a baby?  I've been asked this twice in two days.  This past weekend, I was at a friend's baby shower, so babies were obviously on everyone's mind.  I can understand how the question could come up in this situation.  But to have an acquaintance ask me this in front of a room full of girls, none of which I am close to, seemed inappropriate and really bothered me.  Especially when I wasn't the only childless, married person there- why me?  People must think that now that I'm done with school I must have nothing better to do.  Granted, I've been married longer than the other girls at the a whopping 1.5 years.  Why do people expect you to start popping out babies as soon as you say 'I do'?  And more importantly, why do they think it's any of their business?  I think I answered with something snarky and slightly rude.  I always think of something better to say later in the day.  I've decided the next time this happens to respond with, "I'm not sure, when are YOU having a baby?" or "I don't know, but I'll be sure to let you know as soon as we start trying!" regardless of their marital status.  Or maybe I'll just say I hate kids.  I don't, but that should shut them up.

The reality is we won't be telling ANYONE when we decide to start a family.  It doesn't matter whether we started trying months ago, decided to wait until we're settled with the move, or want to hold off another couple of years.  The point is, it's none of anyone's business.  It is such a hugely personal decision, and I would never think to ask anyone unless I felt very close to them and the topic came up naturally.

What if you asked someone and they had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a long time?  Wouldn't you feel like an asshole?  And why are people so innately curious about other people's reproduction anyway?  It's bizarre.  Do people really expect Jeff and I to tell them, "Oh, we're ready now!" and then look forward to having them ask us every single month, "Are you pregnant yet?!"  No thanks.  So mind ya own bizness people!


  1. It won't stop either. Once you have one everyone will want to know when you are going to have the next one! I even get strangers asking me if I plan on having more. It isn't anyone's business! Maybe a good answer is that you don't know, but you and your husband are sure having fun practicing:-)

  2. Chrissie I will never forget when we moved to GA for my husband to start medical school... We went to a get together for the students and their spouses at this one guys house... Everyone had kids and I mean everyone! We were the only ones that didn't... I was getting pissed bc the host's wife kept saying omg I feel bad for you bc there's so many kids here and they're probably driving you crazy she said this at least 15 times I was like no it's ok I like kids they're not bothering me? THEN... This other wife asked how long we have been married... I said 2 years she then said "ohhh you're DUE for a baby" huh? She said this sooo loud! I mean what if I was reproductively challenged? If you don't know the woman's story you should just shut it! She had no clue we were trying that Fall bc I wasn't going to tell her! But it was our choice when we would start... {drops the mic & steps off podium} :)

  3. Um. I totally hear you with this one. It is such a personal topic. We just hit our 2 yr anniv mark and you know what I think is the worst...when my sweet, innocent mother-in-law starts a conversation with me by saying "So we aren't getting any younger...when are kids coming along."

    I think for the most part if it is someone not super close to you, that it is a conversation starter for them when they don't have anything else to say or want to fill the air with something. But it just doesn't make it right.

    1. I second Amy's comment- people are so unoriginal they have nothing else to comment on now that you're done with the PHD. Everyone asked my girlfriend when she was getting married and continued to nag her because she was engaged for three years. At the wedding, people started asking her when they would start having kids. Seriously, some people are trying to enjoy their life stop rushing them into it!

  4. Love this! C and I will be married 4 years next month... And we get it all the time. I have just started smiling and saying... Oh... Probably another 5 years! Shuts them up.

  5. Loved this post! We currently have a 2 1/2 year old and have been trying for baby number 2 for almost a year now. We haven't told anyone we're trying and get asked ALL the time by people when we're having another one. And every single time it hurts a little.

  6. This is SO annoying and happens to me all of the time too! Is it funny why other people are so concerned with something that is such a personal decision. Keep laughing them off and hope you are enjoying newlywed life :)

  7. Thanks for this post, glad someone said it! It's true, it's highly personal and can be so frustrating to always have to answer that question. Best of luck when you two decide to begin a family! I'm positive that everyone will be excited no matter when that time is :)!

  8. Ugh, I am sorry! Vance and I were married for 5 years before our daughter came... and we had to deal with that question A LOT. Vance's response was usually, "We don't know how to make a baby, care to explain it to us?" haha... I have some health issues that complicated matters, and it is such a painful question for so many people. What is super annoying is now that my daughter is a year and a half it is starting all over again. Grrr...


What do you think?