It's hard to meet close friends after college. Especially moving around so much for residency, fellowship, a job- it's just hard to meet people and stay in one place long enough to become close because people are always coming and going (because most of the new people you meet are in the medical field too). People have busier lives now then when we were in college- demanding jobs, many are raising kids. But I try my best to build friendships with the few people I form a bond with out in the trickier adult world.
I'm sad as I write this post. It's something that's been bothering me for awhile though, years maybe. I think I've come to a stage in life where I need to cut my losses and move on, away from some friendships that have become toxic. You know the kind- where you feel like you do your best to put forth effort to sustain the relationship but the person isn't a good friend to you in return? I think I've held onto some of these friendships for too long because it has been so much harder to make friends after college where you literally eat, drink, and sleep next to your co-eds.
This is easier said than done because I've spent years of my life feeling like some of these people were my closest friends, so I probably forgive them more times than they deserve. I'm just tired of getting back in line to board the emotional rollercoaster over and over again. It gets to a point where it's just not worth the grief.
One such friend makes me feel like everything is a competition. I can't even have a normal conversation without her going on and on about how fabulous and perfect her life is....what are you trying to prove? It's as if life is a race to her and she has to win. I just sit there and don't say anything in response, thinking she'll eventually stop bragging if I don't feed into it, but she just keeps on talking! It's really quite impressive.
Another couple of friends leave me out of everything. Either we are not as close as I thought we were, or they are incredibly insensitive. Maybe both. It's just so emotionally draining. I'm tired of going out of my way to keep up with them over the years just to feel like I've been punched in the stomach when I find out that once again, I'm the only person to be left out of a get together. I have too many instances where this has happened to list. Someone tell me, are we in junior high school?
I've met some incredibly fantastic friends in New Orleans though. Girls who have been genuinely happy for my success and have been there for me during hard times. They know more about my life now than anyone else. I always say how much I'm going to miss New Orleans when we move for fellowship next month, but I'm more sad to be moving before I've had a chance to really get to know a few of these ladies. Not going to lie, it gives me some anxiety. We'll only be at Jeff's fellowship for 1 year and that's really not much time to meet new people and develop friendships before packing up and moving again. It just gets harder. I think maybe the hardest part of this medical journey for me is feeling very "temporary" in all aspects of life- living arrangements, furniture, jobs, and friendships.
Have you ever had to just move on from old friendships that were doing you more harm than good? Do you have any tips for meeting new people in new cities?